What a long strange four months it's been

When I read my last post on April 29, my heart aches for that person. The person who believed very much in the hope of a positive prognosis. But really, deep in my gut, I knew it wouldn't be so good.

After the cancer diagnosis, then came five surgeries, many doctors to see and far too many doubts to creep into my brain. 
My neurologist got me in with one of the most renowned cancer specialists in the country. Of course my cancer would be one of the rarest, accounting for less than 1% of the cancers in the U.S. I have never followed the norm:)

I think anytime someone hears the word cancer, they immediately think it is a death sentence. My own mother died from the horrid disease. When I found out my type, I first thought of MCA of the Beastie Boys, who had just recently passed away from the same type as mine.
But, I just won't let myself EVER go there. 
I have always said I wanted to live to be a hundred, and dammit, I plan to do just that. I am either too stubborn or just too plain mean to let anything keep me from that path.

So having said that, my doctors have chartered a macabre form of treatment, be it all in my best interests, that will hopefully, blast these cancer cells all  to hell!!
On Monday, August 26, I will begin a seven or eight week regimen of radiation. The doc hasn't decided yet. I don't know how he does decide but he's the boss. In preparation for the radiation, they make this cool webbed mask that forms a grid over my face so the rays will know exactly where to aim their weapons of mass destruction. I asked the tech if I could keep the mask after I had completed treatment and he said absolutely. So now, of course, I am thinking of some cool art project to make with it:)
On Tuesday, August 27, I will begin my morning with a round of major chemotherapy. This will be a long day because it will require much IV fluids in between since it is harsh on the kidneys. In between the doses, I will go get zapped with a radiation treatment and then back for me chemo.
I'll be a little sick for a week or so from the chemo but I will not get another chemo treatment until day 23 of radiation. The chemo is necessary because the cancer had spread into my lymph system. 
Also, a nice little addition to all of this, is my feeding tube. Because I am being blasted in my mouth, it will likely make me unable to want to eat, hence the feeding tube. Protruding from my stomach, it's a pain in my ass. Oh, well. They don't want me to lose weight but I keep telling them I could stand to lose a few lbs. The doc didn't find that very funny.
What I dislike most about this, is my two wonderful, beautiful daughters having to go through this with me. They are my guardian angels but have endured so much. I want them to be out starting their lives and having fun. Not taking care of me. I am blessed that they seem to only want to be by my side:)

I have had such a wonderful, challenging, happy, sad, lovely, awful, beautiful, ugly, painful, exhilarating life. And I wouldn't trade it for anything. I can't wait to see what the next 46 years will bring!